yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
