you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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