There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize