I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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