There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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