Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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