ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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