is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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