We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Couch. On fire.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
