I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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