if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
