That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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