Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize