Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
