I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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