I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize