Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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