I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
