He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
