If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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