she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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