and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
