i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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