Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
