Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
