So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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