Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
