He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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