turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize