my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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