well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
