Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
