i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
