ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
