my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
