Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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