I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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