just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
