Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
