I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
