I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize