On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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