Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
