There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
