just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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