Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
