Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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