Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
