I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
