in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
