I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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