Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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