so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
