I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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