you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
