i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
