First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
