My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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