allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
