Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
