I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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