i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
