i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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