he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
