it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
