Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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