Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
