I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
