Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
