I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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