You smell like a Billy Joel song
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize