So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
