so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
