Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize