I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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