Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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