you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
