Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
