What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
