Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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